Heartbreak Hotel

(photo: Sontra via photopin cc)

While this Valentine's Day will be heart-filled & happy for many teens, it's a sad fact of life that for some, the timing will be awful. February is indeed the cruelest month for a romantic breakup. But just like being a good friend is the top way kids can help kids in day to day life, being a caring, respectful boyfriend or girlfriend can turn any teen into an everyday hero -- especially when it's time to end a relationship. Here's some good advice for breakups, culled from kidshealth.org:

Do:

• Be honest about why you're breaking up with your guy or girl, but not brutally so. Use tact.
• Think through all the ways the person might react, and try to prepare yourself. 
• Break up in person! Would you want someone to break up with you via Facebook or text?

Don't:

• Rush the conversation. Take some time to consider your reasons and how you'll handle this.
• Tell others beforehand that you're planning to break up with your GF or BF. They might blab.
• Badmouth or gossip about your ex after you've broken up. Golden Rule, karma, whatever you call it -- it's just not smart.

Teens who find themselves guiding a friend through splitsville may want to show him or her this online "mending a broken heart" quiz from WebMD. Answering it together is a fun distraction, and you'll both learn something in the process.

You've Got a Friend

photo: Guillaume Paumier / Wikimedia Commons, CC-BY-3.0.

Summer, we hardly knew ye! Few school-age kids are thrilled to see September arrive, but at least they have the pleasure of reuniting with friends.

Being a friend is arguably the most important way kids to help other kids, and certainly the most common. Not every kid can start a peer-support charity, but every kid can be a friend.

Why does this matter? Friendships are "among the most important activities of life," writes Anita Gurian, PhD, in "Do Kids Need Friends?" for the NYU Child Study Center. Part of this is the support function most of us think of first -- friends help kids cope with troubling times and transitions such as family stress, starting adolescence & life's inevitable disappointments. But they also acclimate us at a young age to scary emotions like anger, aggression & rejection and provide practice in dealing with all these and more. One constant through the ages & stages is the issue of reciprocity: friendships are sustained when each friend both gives and receives. Think of how important that is in work, marriage & other relationships and it's easy to see why friendship is such a rich training ground for life.

Classy Gift

Stuck for end of year teacher gifts? Even when the spotlight's on teacher, kids can help other kids by putting all or part of their teacher-gift budget toward a donation to Donors Choose this spring. The way this works is really cool: Kids/families go online to select a project their teacher will love, choosing from a range of requests submitted by classrooms in need nationwide. They click the "in honor of" option when checking out and designate their teacher. Later, the teacher will hear back from the classroom that benefitted!

Want to go the extra mile? Use teacher thank you stationery to let him/her know about the donation, either in an individual note or a budget-friendly booklet made up of one sheet per student.

Mitzvah Magic

Image: Tailored Type on Zazzle

One of my favorite aspects of the bar & bat mitzvahs my kids have been attending over the past couple of years is learning about new charities, and in some cases new ways for teens to help their peers, through the many bar and bat mitzvah projects their friends have chosen to undertake. Mitzvah projects are a terrific opportunity for a concentrated kids-helping-kids effort. A few ideas (with thanks to the Mitzvah Circle Foundation for the first 4 suggestions!)


~ Start a "Lids for Kids" campaign, collecting cool new hats -- baseball caps for summer, fun knits for winter -- to donate to the pediatric cancer center at an area hospital.

~If you know of an organization that works with teen moms, ask your synagogue or school to help you throw a "baby shower": put a crib or pack-and-play in the lobby and ask people to fill it up with new baby supplies, from clothing to diapers.

~Collect gently used board games for an area agency that works with low-income youth, or even for the offices of local counselors/social workers who express a need for games (no, the iPad hasn't made them obselete; board games are still great icebreakers & relationship builders).

~Collect gently used sports equipment for the nearest Boys & Girls Club, YMCA or other agency that offers youth sports programs for kids/teens in need.

~Run a lemonade stand [ or three ;) ] for Alex's Lemonade.

~Gather friends, or host a party, to make no-sew blankets for Project Linus.

~Go green, collecting gently used plastic toys for Secondhand Toys.

~Make dreams come true by running a Make-a-Wish Kids for Wish Kids project.

~Knit newborn hats for From Ewe to You.

~Have a sleepover and collect new PJs for the Pajama Program.

~ Do like Riley Goodfellow and eat rice & beans for a month (hey, she did it at 8!), donating the grocery money you save to an organization that fights youth hunger, or to charity:water like Riley did.

~ Organize a spare change campaign to help kids.

Done with your kids-helping-kids mitzvah project? Take it a step further by choosing bar / bat mitzvah party supplies that benefit Save the Children.

Trick or Treat!

My first intro to Trick or Treat for UNICEF, born way back in 1950 when American kids wanted to help overseas peers with the after-effects of WWII, was a Judy Blume book. I can't even remember which one -- possibly Are You There God? It's Me Margaret -- but I do remember thinking wow, what a great idea.

Three generations of U.S. trick-or-treaters for UNICEF have raised a staggering $164 million to date. Where does the money go? UNICEF -- the United Nations Children's Fund -- provides clean water and sanitation, vaccinations, medical care for AIDS-affected children, education programs, and more. 

It's not too late to get involved this year. Kids can order a collection kit, plan a costume party for this terrific cause, or even "trick-or-treat online" for UNICEF. Need inspiration? Check out these kid heroes and kids who've been helped.

Walk This Way

Today is International Walk to School Day, with nearly 3,800 schools participating in the U.S. alone. Walk-and bike-to-school rates have plummeted over the last four decades, with many parents citing safety concerns as the barrier. Safe routes are a piece of the puzzle, but kids can help also each other feel safer on the way to and from school by walking together. It's a common-sense way for kids to help each other maintain a healthy weight, manage stress, and add a little fun to the day. (What better time to debrief on the latest videogame release, Idol vote-off, or peer histrionics than walking with a friend?)

Nutty Buddy

With peanut allergy a treacherous condition for many kids circa 2011, brown-bagging families in some districts have found they need to operate within a school no peanut policy. Other schools, like ours, allow nuts but ask families to tag lunches that contain peanut. I asked my 14-year-old to help create a "Contains Peanut" label that would help protect peanut-allergic peers, and this is what we came up with. As always with our shop, 1/2 the design proceeds to go Save the Children.

Gifted & Giving

One student helps another at North Elementary, Des Plaines, Ill.

When a friend visited recently from Calif., we were catching up on the kids, and she mentioned being pleased with her younger son -- very advanced academically -- for helping out a struggling classmate with some math problems. It was a contrast to what I'd seen written by other parents of gifted kids, many of whom seem to resent their kids being asked to serve as "unpaid assistants" to the teacher. Plenty of experts, too, are opposed to gifted kids tutoring peers in the classroom. I can see how this could misfire, at best, if not well managed and monitored. On the other hand, I wonder if the anti-tutoring parents and experts have considered the potential social and emotional learning benefits for gifted kids. In some cases, academically average or even struggling kids are socially adept, while academically gifted kids may struggle socially. Peer tutoring certainly isn't the only tool for helping them help each other, but done right, it may be worth a try.

Here's a nice parent post that's pro peer tutoring, with caveats.

Hair Apparent

image: prohairdesigner.com

As is our habit in Chicago, we've done a complete 180 on the weather these past few days, turning from gray and drizzly to sunny and steamy. If I were 10 again with long long hair, I think I'd be drawn to Locks of Love, the well-known nonprofit that relies on donated hair to provide custom hairpieces for 6- to 21-year-olds who have lost their hair for medical reasons. Here's a plan for all the hip, giving young girls out there with 10 inches or more of hair to give: Clip it off now, send to Locks of Love, and enjoy the warm summer breeze on your neck (and the feeling of helping another kid). By September, your hair should have grown out enough to snip into one of those cute celebrity bobs that are all over the magazines lately -- just in time for the first day of school.

Class Act

Seeing a peer bullied on the bus in Valhalla, N.Y., a set of teen triplets decided to do something. As high school seniors, they began teaching younger students about bullying and how bystanders can help. There was some concern the program would end when the Williams triplets graduated, but instead they passed the baton to a new crop of seniors. "How it happened, how quickly it grew, and the detail at which it was already formulated when it came forward was certainly a surprise," said Jonathon Thomas, Valhalla High School principal. Less surprising? Other schools have called Valhalla about replicating the kids-help-kids approach.

image: Hey U.G.L.Y.

S.W.A.K.

Late on the holiday cards this year? Me too. It's not too late, though, and this year, why not play around with postage and help kids help kids? Half the design proceeds from these custom Christmas / holiday stamps, featuring kids' artwork, go to Save the Children. 

     

And don't forget holiday thank-you cards...

Beauty Shot

At stores worldwide this month, M.A.C. cosmetics fans can support HIV-affected kids who are helping their peers through abstract artwork with a supercute tartan theme (exhibit A, above). The company's HIV/AIDS advocacy has impressed me for years, but for some nutty reason I only just learned about the M.A.C. AIDS Fund's Kids Helping Kids initiative, which apparently launched way back in '94. Every year, M.A.C. sends art kits to kids 3 to 15 who are affected by HIV, asking them to create designs for holiday cards, tags & bags. The items are sold at M.A.C. counters everywhere, with proceeds going to organizations focused on HIV/AIDS and children. A cause cool enough to brave those cosmetic-department perfume sprayers for...

Positive Attention: Thoughts from Rob Himburg, M.A.

I went to a parent discussion recently where the moderator talked about how kids' "sphere of influence" expands as they mature. Even through adolescence, parents remain major players in how a child sees him/herself and the world -- but peers matter more and more.

When ADHD is in the picture, this process can be tricky...but rewarding, too. I wanted to know how kids with ADHD can support each other, and Rob Himburg -- director of education at the Leelanau School in Michigan, where he also collaborates with Ned Hallowell, M.D., on a weeklong summer enrichment camp for kids with ADHD and their parents -- seemed like the perfect person to ask. Here's what he's seen: 

When brought together, kids with ADHD connect in a matter of "minutes." Himburg, who works with kids in the summer program while Dr. Hallowell engages their parents, says he can predict the affiliations instantly: "Those four boys are gonna end up building things together in the woods. Those older boys will talk about the music they're into. Those girls will draw together on our breaks."

Just being together is therapeutic for the kids (and, by extension, their parents). "Every year on about the second morning, a mom or dad comes in and says, "'It's already been worth it. My [child] is saying, I can't believe there are other kids just like me.'"

In academic situations, peer support grows from awareness of self and others. Group work, says Himburg, is "maybe one of the most difficult things we ask" of students at Leelanau, which customizes a rigorous college-prep curriculum to different learning styles. But it pays off in stronger empathy and problem solving, he says. When students know their strengths and others', it "helps create a balance" in the group. "The kids are able to decide 'okay, you take notes; you're the idea guy; and you're a great speaker, so you're definitely doing the presentation...'"

Kids with ADHD benefit from caring "typical" friends. Peers without ADHD can bring out the best in their attention-challenged friends by understanding that ADHD has "nothing to do with intelligence," says Himburg; by appreciating strengths ("maybe that friend with ADHD isn't the strongest in math class, but he's the school champion at tree climbing"); by being patient with typical ADHD behaviors like fidgeting, impulsiveness, zoning out, etc.; and, sometimes, through constructive criticism: "A good friend will learn how to say, 'You know that thing you do? People don't seem to like that.'"

Done well, support-type groups for kids with ADHD can be valuable. In his previous work at the Bay-area Charles Armstrong School, Himburg enlisted 6th through 8th grade students in mentoring 2nd through 4th graders. The kids spent lunches together doing service projects, enjoying books (with older students reading aloud), etc. When younger kids started talking about playground challenges, "the older kids asked if they could help out," says Himburg. "So we rotated them through recess, and they became like on-field 'coaches' for fun games. They also brought simple problem-solving tactics -- like the 'do-over' concept when two kids disagree -- that they could demonstrate better than adults."  

So there you go. Given the right conditions, leadership jumps onto the rich list of assets kids with ADHD can use to help other kids. Says Himburg, "Sometimes you just need to get out of their way."

Toy Drive!

image: Disney/Pixar

The folks at teen-founded Second Chance Toys have been busy since I posted about them back in April-- securing 501(c)(3) status, passing the 50,000 mark in rescued-toy donations, and expanding into new geographical areas. You and your kids can help by bringing previously owned plastic toys (clean & in good condition, please) to a dropoff location this month or next. Want to spread this kid-friendly, eco-friendly effort to your community? Hit the ground running with the organization's starter kit. Woody & Buzz would be proud.

Turn It Up

Thought-provoking documentary "Race to Nowhere," screened last week near my home, underscores how pressured many teens' lives have become, with expectations to excel in academics, athletics, arts & community service. Structured, longer-term service projects can be tough to commit to when there's so much more to juggle. That's why the second annual Generation Cures "Battle of the Bands" online music contest is so appealing. Teen musicians can do something they already do for -- gasp ;) -- fun, within a limited timeframe, and in the process raise money for Children's Hospital Boston.

Band members ages 13 to 20 are invited to post an original song on their own personalized fundraising web pages. The theme ("make it better") is loose enough for plenty of creativity. Once songs are posted, bands' family and friends can log in, vote for their favorite tunes, and support the cause with an online contribution. The winning band earns a recording session at the Real School of Music, plus their song will be featured on the Rock Band Network.

The contest -- kicked off in September by pop rockers We The Kings -- starts next month and wraps in January, so gentlemen (& ladies), start your amps.

Go Team

If losing builds character, well, my son's baseball team was oozing it last spring, with only 1 win all season. It was hard not to feel bad for the kids, who played hard and seemed confused by all the games that slipped away in the last inning or two. Still, there were highlights from a parent's perspective, and most of them involved shows of support between team members. Sportsmanship, after all, is easy when you're winning, not so much when you can't get a break.

A hunt for kid-friendly sportsmanship tips turned up this advice from kidzworld.com:

~"Show up on time to practice, work hard, and listen."

~"If you lose, don't freak out, and don't be a whiner. Don't blame it on the refs [or] your teammates. Think about what you can do to play better..."

~"If you win big, don't show off or rub the other team's face in it. It's fun to celebrate a victory, but don't overdo it."

~"Be willing to sit out so other [team members] can get a chance to play -- even if you think you're a better player. Don't whine to your coach about not playing enough while the game is still going on. [Wait until] after the game [to ask] what you can do to get some more playing time."

~"Always cheer for your teammates, even if you're losing bad. You may be able to inspire a comeback."

~"Don't argue with the ref or the ump. Even if they got the call totally wrong, don't worry about it. Bad calls are usually made against both sides, and things will even out."

Competitive sports are a learning experience, sure, but sportsmanship makes them fun. If every kid, coach & parent were to take a moment, find the most courteous kid on the field, and commit to following his or her example, everyone really would win.

Make Art, Save Art

That's a campaign DoSomething.org kicked off this month with partners HP and AMD. Students who create and share "an awesome PC wallpaper" can win $5,000 and 5 laptops for their school art program, plus a $1,000 scholarship. Go here for details.

Saving Grace

Although I posted already this month about Save the Children, I couldn't resist this story about 12-year-old Asma'a Abdullah, a displaced girl in Sa'adah, Yemen, who--despite limited literacy--challenged herself to learn a landmine safety curriculum from Save the Children and has been training her peers on the subject ever since. Children refer to Asma'a as "their teacher, their mentor and instructor on mine risks," said the Yemen Observer. What a role model.

Fair Play

Save the Children's k2kUSA is a new campaign aimed at helping kids advocate for each other, with a goal of ensuring "a fair chance in life for every kid in America." The k2kUSA council includes notable teens/tweens like Nat & Alex Wolff ("The Naked Brothers Band") and Gov's son Patrick Schwarzenegger.

Taking aim at child poverty, the campaign's website features an ultra-brief "fairness quiz" for kids. Through a partnership with Scholastic Book Clubs, a new book is automatically sent to a child in need each time the quiz is completed. The goal is 90,000 books, so get your kiddos to the keyboard, stat!

Buddy Can You Spare a Quarter?

That's all it takes to feed a homeless child breakfast, Denver restaurateurs Tammy and Noel Cunningham were shocked to learn 20 years ago, when they launched the Quarters for Kids campaign to mobilize young philanthropists in Denver.

Over the past few weeks, students from 33 area schools raised almost $20,000 to feed homeless children in Denver shelters. Contributors won the right to wear hats to school, listen to their iPods in study hall, chew gum in class, and other enticements dreamed up by student leaders.

The mayor declared this Monday Quarters for Kids day, and the Cunninghams opened their eatery, Strings, to participating kids for a celebratory breakfast.

In its two-decade history, Quarters for Kids has raised about half a million dollars (!) for this fantastic cause, and inspired thousands of kids to help their homeless peers. Amazing what a quarter will buy.

(photo: Kristin Morin via the Denver Post)