True Blues

Blue Monday may be a myth, but in most places, January is doubtless one of the most brutal months weather-wise. The post-holiday comedown can be tough, too. Overall, not an easy time for teens struggling with depression.


Of course there's no substitute for a solid treatment plan for those with a clinical level of depression, but this video from the advocacy group Erika's Lighthouse offers an authentic-feeling collage of empathy and support from peers. Debunking the myth that only "the dark kid in the corner" is depressed, they mix facts with personal perspectives to help other depressed teens feel less alone.

Seniority

(photo: phi1317  cc)

Next month my twins start freshman year at a massive (4,000+) high school. Nervous? Probably me more than them. Something that helps, based on my older son's experience, is the school's student advisory program, which pairs each group of 25 or so teens with a teacher who can guide them through the transition to high school. They meet every day with that teacher, but the secret weapon is an upperclassman -- a "senior helper" -- who comes in regularly to answer the newbies' questions based on personal knowledge of the school's challenges and opportunities.

Another way to go is linking each freshman or new-to-the-district student with a peer mentor who can show them the ropes. DoSomething has some nice tips for taking this on as a leadership program.

Face to Face

image: changeforthechildren.org

Few kids like to be noticed for their differences, especially physical ones. So how to handle a prominent facial birthmark? Evan Ducker, 17, drew on firsthand experience to write a children's book dealing with the issue. The Kingston, N.Y., high schooler helped arrange a May read-along for thousands of students "to increase tolerance" of birthmarks such as his own facial port-wine stain. The book's premise -- a Galapagos Island booby bird has a chance to have his birthmark magically removed; will he take it? -- seems relatable to many types of differences kids experience. For his efforts, the teen author earned a spot on Parade's All-America High School Service Team, props from the Jonas Brothers, and most importantly -- he told Parade -- "parents' emails saying how much more confident their kids with birthmarks are" after reading the book.

Gifted & Giving

One student helps another at North Elementary, Des Plaines, Ill.

When a friend visited recently from Calif., we were catching up on the kids, and she mentioned being pleased with her younger son -- very advanced academically -- for helping out a struggling classmate with some math problems. It was a contrast to what I'd seen written by other parents of gifted kids, many of whom seem to resent their kids being asked to serve as "unpaid assistants" to the teacher. Plenty of experts, too, are opposed to gifted kids tutoring peers in the classroom. I can see how this could misfire, at best, if not well managed and monitored. On the other hand, I wonder if the anti-tutoring parents and experts have considered the potential social and emotional learning benefits for gifted kids. In some cases, academically average or even struggling kids are socially adept, while academically gifted kids may struggle socially. Peer tutoring certainly isn't the only tool for helping them help each other, but done right, it may be worth a try.

Here's a nice parent post that's pro peer tutoring, with caveats.

It Gets Better

It's never easy, but adolescence can be especially harrowing for gay and bisexual kids. To help them cope with the pain, harrassment and isolation that can result from coming out (or not coming out), there's Dan Savage's incredible It Gets Better campaign. Thousands of gay adults have told their stories, shared their strategies, and radiated love and acceptance through YouTube videos shared on the campaign's website. But struggling kids will also find help from their peers, in the form of videotaped coming-out stories that run the gamut of emotions but all ultimately deliver the same message: You're not alone.

Helping Out, Hanging Out

(image: plainfield.patch.com)

Greeting friends in the hall: A minor matter for most teens, but for those with autism and other disabilities that affect social interaction, it can take practice. And who better to practice with than typical peers? Adults "don't have the same know-how or the insider information" as peers, said speech-language pathologist Christopher Spiel of the Peer Communication Group he started two years ago at Plainfield East High School in Illinois.

Teacher-recommended students who have a solid academic record and are known as good role models can trade study hall time for a chance to work with their special-needs peers twice a week, facilitated by Spiel and a social worker. Volunteers go through a two-hour training, and the group focuses on trust and relationship building before tackling specific skills. "Special education students [are] self-conscious and ... don't like to show their weakness," Spiel told Plainfield Patch. "We spend a lot of time to develop trust."

Once a month, the students kick back together at Hang Time Club, which Spiel personally funds to give the special-education students a chance to snack, play games, and just enjoy people outside of their families.

A comment from peer helper Myles Walters is filled with the kind of natural sensitivity and respect that teens can bring to their peers with challenges: "I understand these kids are just like us, but they may not know these things."

The benefits go both ways. "We are all clicking." Walters added. "It's a joyful time."

Class Act

Seeing a peer bullied on the bus in Valhalla, N.Y., a set of teen triplets decided to do something. As high school seniors, they began teaching younger students about bullying and how bystanders can help. There was some concern the program would end when the Williams triplets graduated, but instead they passed the baton to a new crop of seniors. "How it happened, how quickly it grew, and the detail at which it was already formulated when it came forward was certainly a surprise," said Jonathon Thomas, Valhalla High School principal. Less surprising? Other schools have called Valhalla about replicating the kids-help-kids approach.

image: Hey U.G.L.Y.

Positive Attention: Thoughts from Rob Himburg, M.A.

I went to a parent discussion recently where the moderator talked about how kids' "sphere of influence" expands as they mature. Even through adolescence, parents remain major players in how a child sees him/herself and the world -- but peers matter more and more.

When ADHD is in the picture, this process can be tricky...but rewarding, too. I wanted to know how kids with ADHD can support each other, and Rob Himburg -- director of education at the Leelanau School in Michigan, where he also collaborates with Ned Hallowell, M.D., on a weeklong summer enrichment camp for kids with ADHD and their parents -- seemed like the perfect person to ask. Here's what he's seen: 

When brought together, kids with ADHD connect in a matter of "minutes." Himburg, who works with kids in the summer program while Dr. Hallowell engages their parents, says he can predict the affiliations instantly: "Those four boys are gonna end up building things together in the woods. Those older boys will talk about the music they're into. Those girls will draw together on our breaks."

Just being together is therapeutic for the kids (and, by extension, their parents). "Every year on about the second morning, a mom or dad comes in and says, "'It's already been worth it. My [child] is saying, I can't believe there are other kids just like me.'"

In academic situations, peer support grows from awareness of self and others. Group work, says Himburg, is "maybe one of the most difficult things we ask" of students at Leelanau, which customizes a rigorous college-prep curriculum to different learning styles. But it pays off in stronger empathy and problem solving, he says. When students know their strengths and others', it "helps create a balance" in the group. "The kids are able to decide 'okay, you take notes; you're the idea guy; and you're a great speaker, so you're definitely doing the presentation...'"

Kids with ADHD benefit from caring "typical" friends. Peers without ADHD can bring out the best in their attention-challenged friends by understanding that ADHD has "nothing to do with intelligence," says Himburg; by appreciating strengths ("maybe that friend with ADHD isn't the strongest in math class, but he's the school champion at tree climbing"); by being patient with typical ADHD behaviors like fidgeting, impulsiveness, zoning out, etc.; and, sometimes, through constructive criticism: "A good friend will learn how to say, 'You know that thing you do? People don't seem to like that.'"

Done well, support-type groups for kids with ADHD can be valuable. In his previous work at the Bay-area Charles Armstrong School, Himburg enlisted 6th through 8th grade students in mentoring 2nd through 4th graders. The kids spent lunches together doing service projects, enjoying books (with older students reading aloud), etc. When younger kids started talking about playground challenges, "the older kids asked if they could help out," says Himburg. "So we rotated them through recess, and they became like on-field 'coaches' for fun games. They also brought simple problem-solving tactics -- like the 'do-over' concept when two kids disagree -- that they could demonstrate better than adults."  

So there you go. Given the right conditions, leadership jumps onto the rich list of assets kids with ADHD can use to help other kids. Says Himburg, "Sometimes you just need to get out of their way."

School Support: Thoughts from Ross Greene, PhD

As a young mom I suffered a mild parenting-book addiction, and one of the better books I read was The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, PhD. Greene's focus is on chronically frustrated, inflexible children and teens, but his approach to behavior issues makes sense for all kinds of kids. While not a central theme of the book, peer support came up in an anecdote from The Explosive Child that stuck with me. During a classroom observation, Greene sees a student he's been working with help a peer with her math. Minutes later she turns around and helps him through a difficult transition, when he becomes upset about switching activities.

I spoke last week with Dr. Greene and asked if he's seen much of this reciprocal support during school visits over the years. "Kids support each other very frequently," he said. "Way more than they tease or bully each other." While it's only a piece of the larger puzzle for kids Greene works with -- who need a specific, strategic approach from parents and teachers -- all kids benefit, he said, when teachers are able to "create a peer culture in which collaborative problem solving is practiced and taught."

The Responsive Classroom and similar frameworks can help leverage kids' natural inclination to help each other into this type of classroom community. And everyone wins.

Dr. Greene's latest book is Lost at School. Learn more about his Collaborative Problem Solving approach at Lives in the Balance.

Playground Pals

The schoolyard can be a lonely place when you're 7, and shy. In Glencoe, Ill., first and second graders can volunteer as Playground Pals who help make sure everyone has someone to play with at recess. Their job? To say "yes" whenever someone asks to play, and to seek out children who look as though they might need a friend. Volunteers are trained (during one lunch/recess period) on initiating & accepting invitations to play. Then they're assigned one day a week for several months to serve as Playground Pals. What a fun way to promote caring and fight cliques.