Second Time Around

(photo: Sinead Friel cc)

It's post-prom time again, and thus time for a gentle reminder for teens to try and make another girl's prom dreams come true next year. Donating prom dresses is especially easy if you have a local organization that handles this. But even if not, there are charities that accept dress donations by mail, like the NYC-based WGirls. So get that fab frock on its merry way while it's still in style ;)

Tutoring Without Tears

image: earl53

Parent tears, that is. With the cost of a professional tutor ranging in most areas from $30 to $100 an hour, getting help for a struggling young student can be financially painful -- as well as logistically challenging, if you need to get your kid to the tutor's office. Instead, try pairing your child with an older student who can help with homework in your home and won't charge an arm & a leg. Bright, patient high schoolers can be a perfect match for K through 8th graders, while college students can make great helpers and role models for high schoolers. Teen and young-adult students may not have the specialized expertise of a hardcore pro tutor, but they can ease HW anxiety at a much more modest price, usually $15-$25 an hour. Because they're fresher from the experience of whatever grade your kid is in, they can be more empathetic too, which goes a long way. And with college costs skyrocketing, employing students is a truly win-win kids-helping-kids arrangement.

Seniority

(photo: phi1317  cc)

Next month my twins start freshman year at a massive (4,000+) high school. Nervous? Probably me more than them. Something that helps, based on my older son's experience, is the school's student advisory program, which pairs each group of 25 or so teens with a teacher who can guide them through the transition to high school. They meet every day with that teacher, but the secret weapon is an upperclassman -- a "senior helper" -- who comes in regularly to answer the newbies' questions based on personal knowledge of the school's challenges and opportunities.

Another way to go is linking each freshman or new-to-the-district student with a peer mentor who can show them the ropes. DoSomething has some nice tips for taking this on as a leadership program.

Heartbreak Hotel

(photo: Sontra via photopin cc)

While this Valentine's Day will be heart-filled & happy for many teens, it's a sad fact of life that for some, the timing will be awful. February is indeed the cruelest month for a romantic breakup. But just like being a good friend is the top way kids can help kids in day to day life, being a caring, respectful boyfriend or girlfriend can turn any teen into an everyday hero -- especially when it's time to end a relationship. Here's some good advice for breakups, culled from kidshealth.org:

Do:

• Be honest about why you're breaking up with your guy or girl, but not brutally so. Use tact.
• Think through all the ways the person might react, and try to prepare yourself. 
• Break up in person! Would you want someone to break up with you via Facebook or text?

Don't:

• Rush the conversation. Take some time to consider your reasons and how you'll handle this.
• Tell others beforehand that you're planning to break up with your GF or BF. They might blab.
• Badmouth or gossip about your ex after you've broken up. Golden Rule, karma, whatever you call it -- it's just not smart.

Teens who find themselves guiding a friend through splitsville may want to show him or her this online "mending a broken heart" quiz from WebMD. Answering it together is a fun distraction, and you'll both learn something in the process.

You've Got a Friend

photo: Guillaume Paumier / Wikimedia Commons, CC-BY-3.0.

Summer, we hardly knew ye! Few school-age kids are thrilled to see September arrive, but at least they have the pleasure of reuniting with friends.

Being a friend is arguably the most important way kids to help other kids, and certainly the most common. Not every kid can start a peer-support charity, but every kid can be a friend.

Why does this matter? Friendships are "among the most important activities of life," writes Anita Gurian, PhD, in "Do Kids Need Friends?" for the NYU Child Study Center. Part of this is the support function most of us think of first -- friends help kids cope with troubling times and transitions such as family stress, starting adolescence & life's inevitable disappointments. But they also acclimate us at a young age to scary emotions like anger, aggression & rejection and provide practice in dealing with all these and more. One constant through the ages & stages is the issue of reciprocity: friendships are sustained when each friend both gives and receives. Think of how important that is in work, marriage & other relationships and it's easy to see why friendship is such a rich training ground for life.

Gone Camping





image: Canoe Islands French Camp 
 via Wikimedia  Commons

A couple of my teen sons' friends have always seemed like the "camp counselor type." They have a natural way with younger children -- helping out without getting too bossy or controlling, and always keeping a sense of humor. Now that they're old enough, maybe they'll put those talents to use as junior counselors, or counselors-in-training (CITs), at a day or sleepaway camp.

When the CIT system works as it should, it provides a two-way kids-helping-kids opportunity. In exchange for the great camp experience CITs help give younger children, those children give their CITs a lasting leadership experience.

One camp's study on leadership growth in its counselors-in-training, shared through the American Camp Associaton website, found the teen CITs appreciated the "realness" of the learning they did on the job, in contrast to the more abstract learning done at school. On a daily basis, CITs teach younger kids tangible skills, monitor their safety & well-being, mediate disputes, and help them build positive relationships with each other. Hmm...sounds a lot like what good managers do in the corporate world, doesn't it?

The study acknowledged that working with young children can be "very stressful." For some -- very introverted teens, for instance -- I can see how camp demands could be inappropriate, and a "quieter" or more predictable summer job a better fit. But for others -- as the study illustrated -- the challenge ultimately increases their ability to manage pressures, ask for help when needed, and stay organized & prepared so that situations don't get overwhelming. All fabulous assets for college life and beyond.

Save the Next Dance For Me

photo: Scott McGrath via Wikimedia Commons

Hey teens --want to put an extra spring in your step this spring? Donating prom dresses will do that for you. Pass your dress -- and last year's too, if you still have it -- on to one of the many organizations nationwide that take donations & match them with peers in need. Find a prom dress donation site near you, or if there isn't one, donate a dress by mail. The few dollars you spend on postage will feel like a million bucks when you help another girl look like, well... a million bucks!

Walk This Way

Today is International Walk to School Day, with nearly 3,800 schools participating in the U.S. alone. Walk-and bike-to-school rates have plummeted over the last four decades, with many parents citing safety concerns as the barrier. Safe routes are a piece of the puzzle, but kids can help also each other feel safer on the way to and from school by walking together. It's a common-sense way for kids to help each other maintain a healthy weight, manage stress, and add a little fun to the day. (What better time to debrief on the latest videogame release, Idol vote-off, or peer histrionics than walking with a friend?)

Nutty Buddy

With peanut allergy a treacherous condition for many kids circa 2011, brown-bagging families in some districts have found they need to operate within a school no peanut policy. Other schools, like ours, allow nuts but ask families to tag lunches that contain peanut. I asked my 14-year-old to help create a "Contains Peanut" label that would help protect peanut-allergic peers, and this is what we came up with. As always with our shop, 1/2 the design proceeds to go Save the Children.

All American

image: generationon.org

My nieces are all pretty different in personality and style, but at one time or another they've all played with American Girl dolls. So I know what a monster hit these toys are. Pricey outfits notwithstanding, the AG crew & their corresponding books have done girls at least one service: turning their attention to American history & reinforcing what they learn at school.

That point's not lost on Mary-Grace Reeves, a Pensacola (Fla.) 16-year-old named recently to the Parade All-American Service Team. The American Girl Book Club she started at 13 has reached more than 900 Gulf Coast girls in 3 years, building literacy and promoting community service. Cash shortages in Hurricane Ivan's aftermath pushed her to reach out to a diverse mix of funders and suppliers, from the local Kiwanis and friends-of-the-library clubs to restaurants, a local female attorney, even a landscaping company. Guest speakers from the U. of Florida, Daughters of the American Revolution, and others with history connections are invited to speak at each club meeting. "With the ability to read well," says Reeves at generationon.org, "one can do anything."

Gifted & Giving

One student helps another at North Elementary, Des Plaines, Ill.

When a friend visited recently from Calif., we were catching up on the kids, and she mentioned being pleased with her younger son -- very advanced academically -- for helping out a struggling classmate with some math problems. It was a contrast to what I'd seen written by other parents of gifted kids, many of whom seem to resent their kids being asked to serve as "unpaid assistants" to the teacher. Plenty of experts, too, are opposed to gifted kids tutoring peers in the classroom. I can see how this could misfire, at best, if not well managed and monitored. On the other hand, I wonder if the anti-tutoring parents and experts have considered the potential social and emotional learning benefits for gifted kids. In some cases, academically average or even struggling kids are socially adept, while academically gifted kids may struggle socially. Peer tutoring certainly isn't the only tool for helping them help each other, but done right, it may be worth a try.

Here's a nice parent post that's pro peer tutoring, with caveats.

Hair Apparent

image: prohairdesigner.com

As is our habit in Chicago, we've done a complete 180 on the weather these past few days, turning from gray and drizzly to sunny and steamy. If I were 10 again with long long hair, I think I'd be drawn to Locks of Love, the well-known nonprofit that relies on donated hair to provide custom hairpieces for 6- to 21-year-olds who have lost their hair for medical reasons. Here's a plan for all the hip, giving young girls out there with 10 inches or more of hair to give: Clip it off now, send to Locks of Love, and enjoy the warm summer breeze on your neck (and the feeling of helping another kid). By September, your hair should have grown out enough to snip into one of those cute celebrity bobs that are all over the magazines lately -- just in time for the first day of school.

Class Act

Seeing a peer bullied on the bus in Valhalla, N.Y., a set of teen triplets decided to do something. As high school seniors, they began teaching younger students about bullying and how bystanders can help. There was some concern the program would end when the Williams triplets graduated, but instead they passed the baton to a new crop of seniors. "How it happened, how quickly it grew, and the detail at which it was already formulated when it came forward was certainly a surprise," said Jonathon Thomas, Valhalla High School principal. Less surprising? Other schools have called Valhalla about replicating the kids-help-kids approach.

image: Hey U.G.L.Y.

Baby You Can Drive My Car

Skidding on the icy road yesterday, I thought about how hard it must be for newly minted teen drivers to manage unpredictable winter driving. Add alcohol to the mix, and it's a recipe for tragedy. That's why I love the idea, from DoSomething,org, of high schoolers setting up a designated driver program for their peers.

Should teens drink? Of course not. But underage drinking statistics show that many do. Students save lives when they take time to help peers get home without endangering themselves and others.   

Beauty Shot

At stores worldwide this month, M.A.C. cosmetics fans can support HIV-affected kids who are helping their peers through abstract artwork with a supercute tartan theme (exhibit A, above). The company's HIV/AIDS advocacy has impressed me for years, but for some nutty reason I only just learned about the M.A.C. AIDS Fund's Kids Helping Kids initiative, which apparently launched way back in '94. Every year, M.A.C. sends art kits to kids 3 to 15 who are affected by HIV, asking them to create designs for holiday cards, tags & bags. The items are sold at M.A.C. counters everywhere, with proceeds going to organizations focused on HIV/AIDS and children. A cause cool enough to brave those cosmetic-department perfume sprayers for...

Positive Attention: Thoughts from Rob Himburg, M.A.

I went to a parent discussion recently where the moderator talked about how kids' "sphere of influence" expands as they mature. Even through adolescence, parents remain major players in how a child sees him/herself and the world -- but peers matter more and more.

When ADHD is in the picture, this process can be tricky...but rewarding, too. I wanted to know how kids with ADHD can support each other, and Rob Himburg -- director of education at the Leelanau School in Michigan, where he also collaborates with Ned Hallowell, M.D., on a weeklong summer enrichment camp for kids with ADHD and their parents -- seemed like the perfect person to ask. Here's what he's seen: 

When brought together, kids with ADHD connect in a matter of "minutes." Himburg, who works with kids in the summer program while Dr. Hallowell engages their parents, says he can predict the affiliations instantly: "Those four boys are gonna end up building things together in the woods. Those older boys will talk about the music they're into. Those girls will draw together on our breaks."

Just being together is therapeutic for the kids (and, by extension, their parents). "Every year on about the second morning, a mom or dad comes in and says, "'It's already been worth it. My [child] is saying, I can't believe there are other kids just like me.'"

In academic situations, peer support grows from awareness of self and others. Group work, says Himburg, is "maybe one of the most difficult things we ask" of students at Leelanau, which customizes a rigorous college-prep curriculum to different learning styles. But it pays off in stronger empathy and problem solving, he says. When students know their strengths and others', it "helps create a balance" in the group. "The kids are able to decide 'okay, you take notes; you're the idea guy; and you're a great speaker, so you're definitely doing the presentation...'"

Kids with ADHD benefit from caring "typical" friends. Peers without ADHD can bring out the best in their attention-challenged friends by understanding that ADHD has "nothing to do with intelligence," says Himburg; by appreciating strengths ("maybe that friend with ADHD isn't the strongest in math class, but he's the school champion at tree climbing"); by being patient with typical ADHD behaviors like fidgeting, impulsiveness, zoning out, etc.; and, sometimes, through constructive criticism: "A good friend will learn how to say, 'You know that thing you do? People don't seem to like that.'"

Done well, support-type groups for kids with ADHD can be valuable. In his previous work at the Bay-area Charles Armstrong School, Himburg enlisted 6th through 8th grade students in mentoring 2nd through 4th graders. The kids spent lunches together doing service projects, enjoying books (with older students reading aloud), etc. When younger kids started talking about playground challenges, "the older kids asked if they could help out," says Himburg. "So we rotated them through recess, and they became like on-field 'coaches' for fun games. They also brought simple problem-solving tactics -- like the 'do-over' concept when two kids disagree -- that they could demonstrate better than adults."  

So there you go. Given the right conditions, leadership jumps onto the rich list of assets kids with ADHD can use to help other kids. Says Himburg, "Sometimes you just need to get out of their way."

Toy Drive!

image: Disney/Pixar

The folks at teen-founded Second Chance Toys have been busy since I posted about them back in April-- securing 501(c)(3) status, passing the 50,000 mark in rescued-toy donations, and expanding into new geographical areas. You and your kids can help by bringing previously owned plastic toys (clean & in good condition, please) to a dropoff location this month or next. Want to spread this kid-friendly, eco-friendly effort to your community? Hit the ground running with the organization's starter kit. Woody & Buzz would be proud.

Turn It Up

Thought-provoking documentary "Race to Nowhere," screened last week near my home, underscores how pressured many teens' lives have become, with expectations to excel in academics, athletics, arts & community service. Structured, longer-term service projects can be tough to commit to when there's so much more to juggle. That's why the second annual Generation Cures "Battle of the Bands" online music contest is so appealing. Teen musicians can do something they already do for -- gasp ;) -- fun, within a limited timeframe, and in the process raise money for Children's Hospital Boston.

Band members ages 13 to 20 are invited to post an original song on their own personalized fundraising web pages. The theme ("make it better") is loose enough for plenty of creativity. Once songs are posted, bands' family and friends can log in, vote for their favorite tunes, and support the cause with an online contribution. The winning band earns a recording session at the Real School of Music, plus their song will be featured on the Rock Band Network.

The contest -- kicked off in September by pop rockers We The Kings -- starts next month and wraps in January, so gentlemen (& ladies), start your amps.

Go Team

If losing builds character, well, my son's baseball team was oozing it last spring, with only 1 win all season. It was hard not to feel bad for the kids, who played hard and seemed confused by all the games that slipped away in the last inning or two. Still, there were highlights from a parent's perspective, and most of them involved shows of support between team members. Sportsmanship, after all, is easy when you're winning, not so much when you can't get a break.

A hunt for kid-friendly sportsmanship tips turned up this advice from kidzworld.com:

~"Show up on time to practice, work hard, and listen."

~"If you lose, don't freak out, and don't be a whiner. Don't blame it on the refs [or] your teammates. Think about what you can do to play better..."

~"If you win big, don't show off or rub the other team's face in it. It's fun to celebrate a victory, but don't overdo it."

~"Be willing to sit out so other [team members] can get a chance to play -- even if you think you're a better player. Don't whine to your coach about not playing enough while the game is still going on. [Wait until] after the game [to ask] what you can do to get some more playing time."

~"Always cheer for your teammates, even if you're losing bad. You may be able to inspire a comeback."

~"Don't argue with the ref or the ump. Even if they got the call totally wrong, don't worry about it. Bad calls are usually made against both sides, and things will even out."

Competitive sports are a learning experience, sure, but sportsmanship makes them fun. If every kid, coach & parent were to take a moment, find the most courteous kid on the field, and commit to following his or her example, everyone really would win.

Make Art, Save Art

That's a campaign DoSomething.org kicked off this month with partners HP and AMD. Students who create and share "an awesome PC wallpaper" can win $5,000 and 5 laptops for their school art program, plus a $1,000 scholarship. Go here for details.