Second Time Around

(photo: Sinead Friel cc)

It's post-prom time again, and thus time for a gentle reminder for teens to try and make another girl's prom dreams come true next year. Donating prom dresses is especially easy if you have a local organization that handles this. But even if not, there are charities that accept dress donations by mail, like the NYC-based WGirls. So get that fab frock on its merry way while it's still in style ;)

Seniority

(photo: phi1317  cc)

Next month my twins start freshman year at a massive (4,000+) high school. Nervous? Probably me more than them. Something that helps, based on my older son's experience, is the school's student advisory program, which pairs each group of 25 or so teens with a teacher who can guide them through the transition to high school. They meet every day with that teacher, but the secret weapon is an upperclassman -- a "senior helper" -- who comes in regularly to answer the newbies' questions based on personal knowledge of the school's challenges and opportunities.

Another way to go is linking each freshman or new-to-the-district student with a peer mentor who can show them the ropes. DoSomething has some nice tips for taking this on as a leadership program.

Heartbreak Hotel

(photo: Sontra via photopin cc)

While this Valentine's Day will be heart-filled & happy for many teens, it's a sad fact of life that for some, the timing will be awful. February is indeed the cruelest month for a romantic breakup. But just like being a good friend is the top way kids can help kids in day to day life, being a caring, respectful boyfriend or girlfriend can turn any teen into an everyday hero -- especially when it's time to end a relationship. Here's some good advice for breakups, culled from kidshealth.org:

Do:

• Be honest about why you're breaking up with your guy or girl, but not brutally so. Use tact.
• Think through all the ways the person might react, and try to prepare yourself. 
• Break up in person! Would you want someone to break up with you via Facebook or text?

Don't:

• Rush the conversation. Take some time to consider your reasons and how you'll handle this.
• Tell others beforehand that you're planning to break up with your GF or BF. They might blab.
• Badmouth or gossip about your ex after you've broken up. Golden Rule, karma, whatever you call it -- it's just not smart.

Teens who find themselves guiding a friend through splitsville may want to show him or her this online "mending a broken heart" quiz from WebMD. Answering it together is a fun distraction, and you'll both learn something in the process.

Gone Camping





image: Canoe Islands French Camp 
 via Wikimedia  Commons

A couple of my teen sons' friends have always seemed like the "camp counselor type." They have a natural way with younger children -- helping out without getting too bossy or controlling, and always keeping a sense of humor. Now that they're old enough, maybe they'll put those talents to use as junior counselors, or counselors-in-training (CITs), at a day or sleepaway camp.

When the CIT system works as it should, it provides a two-way kids-helping-kids opportunity. In exchange for the great camp experience CITs help give younger children, those children give their CITs a lasting leadership experience.

One camp's study on leadership growth in its counselors-in-training, shared through the American Camp Associaton website, found the teen CITs appreciated the "realness" of the learning they did on the job, in contrast to the more abstract learning done at school. On a daily basis, CITs teach younger kids tangible skills, monitor their safety & well-being, mediate disputes, and help them build positive relationships with each other. Hmm...sounds a lot like what good managers do in the corporate world, doesn't it?

The study acknowledged that working with young children can be "very stressful." For some -- very introverted teens, for instance -- I can see how camp demands could be inappropriate, and a "quieter" or more predictable summer job a better fit. But for others -- as the study illustrated -- the challenge ultimately increases their ability to manage pressures, ask for help when needed, and stay organized & prepared so that situations don't get overwhelming. All fabulous assets for college life and beyond.

Save the Next Dance For Me

photo: Scott McGrath via Wikimedia Commons

Hey teens --want to put an extra spring in your step this spring? Donating prom dresses will do that for you. Pass your dress -- and last year's too, if you still have it -- on to one of the many organizations nationwide that take donations & match them with peers in need. Find a prom dress donation site near you, or if there isn't one, donate a dress by mail. The few dollars you spend on postage will feel like a million bucks when you help another girl look like, well... a million bucks!

Sweet Dreams

image: polyvore.com

Hey teens -- what if there was an easy way to help your friends do better at school, manage stress & avoid depression? You'd do that, right? Well, good news: All you need to do is stop texting your friends late at night.

Teen sleep needs average 9 hours a day, say the experts, but most don't get it. There's a whole cluster of reasons for that, but a growing one is late-night cell phone use. Several studies have looked at this trend -- e.g., the epidemic of teens sleeping with phones under their pillow, which to adults "sounds like torture," CMCH's Michael Rich, M.D. observed wryly -- and found negative consequences. "Hypertexting" teens -- those who text 120 times or more on an average school day -- are especially prone to problems with schoolwork, stress, and depression.

So if you care about your friends, resist the urge. Text before 10 or wait 'til the next day. Your pals will still be there for you, and in much better shape to offer advice and support once they've had some shut-eye.

Face to Face

image: changeforthechildren.org

Few kids like to be noticed for their differences, especially physical ones. So how to handle a prominent facial birthmark? Evan Ducker, 17, drew on firsthand experience to write a children's book dealing with the issue. The Kingston, N.Y., high schooler helped arrange a May read-along for thousands of students "to increase tolerance" of birthmarks such as his own facial port-wine stain. The book's premise -- a Galapagos Island booby bird has a chance to have his birthmark magically removed; will he take it? -- seems relatable to many types of differences kids experience. For his efforts, the teen author earned a spot on Parade's All-America High School Service Team, props from the Jonas Brothers, and most importantly -- he told Parade -- "parents' emails saying how much more confident their kids with birthmarks are" after reading the book.

It Gets Better

It's never easy, but adolescence can be especially harrowing for gay and bisexual kids. To help them cope with the pain, harrassment and isolation that can result from coming out (or not coming out), there's Dan Savage's incredible It Gets Better campaign. Thousands of gay adults have told their stories, shared their strategies, and radiated love and acceptance through YouTube videos shared on the campaign's website. But struggling kids will also find help from their peers, in the form of videotaped coming-out stories that run the gamut of emotions but all ultimately deliver the same message: You're not alone.

Do the Right Thing

Last week at a "Teens and the Law" panel discussion, I found myself drawn to the comments of a caring but stern prosecutor. Maybe it's because he was the only one on the panel to openly recognize the importance of teens helping each other in risky situations. One question from the audience was whether a kid could get in trouble for having consumed alcohol if his/her friend needed help and he/she called 911 while under the influence. A legitimate question, but the judge was incredulous: "Your friend needs medical attention and you're worried about saving your own skin?" When the subject turned to legal issues related to teen sex, particularly when one partner has been drinking, the judge had a strong message: "Look. If you're at a party and your friend 'disappears'? FIND your friend. Get your friend home NOW."

The whole talk made me grateful all over again for having made it through high school with a peer group that got in trouble with the law only for hanging out in the neighborhood at night, bored and goofy but utterly substance-free. Every kid should be so lucky. Then again, it's not all luck, is it?

Helping Out, Hanging Out

(image: plainfield.patch.com)

Greeting friends in the hall: A minor matter for most teens, but for those with autism and other disabilities that affect social interaction, it can take practice. And who better to practice with than typical peers? Adults "don't have the same know-how or the insider information" as peers, said speech-language pathologist Christopher Spiel of the Peer Communication Group he started two years ago at Plainfield East High School in Illinois.

Teacher-recommended students who have a solid academic record and are known as good role models can trade study hall time for a chance to work with their special-needs peers twice a week, facilitated by Spiel and a social worker. Volunteers go through a two-hour training, and the group focuses on trust and relationship building before tackling specific skills. "Special education students [are] self-conscious and ... don't like to show their weakness," Spiel told Plainfield Patch. "We spend a lot of time to develop trust."

Once a month, the students kick back together at Hang Time Club, which Spiel personally funds to give the special-education students a chance to snack, play games, and just enjoy people outside of their families.

A comment from peer helper Myles Walters is filled with the kind of natural sensitivity and respect that teens can bring to their peers with challenges: "I understand these kids are just like us, but they may not know these things."

The benefits go both ways. "We are all clicking." Walters added. "It's a joyful time."

Sew Kind

image: nonaknits.typepad.com

Tiny Baby-New-Years in Wake Forest, N.C., are waking up to the world in hand-knit hats, booties & blankets thanks to 10th grader Hannah Moyles, who provides warm clothing and blankets to "less fortunate" community members through her From Ewe to You charity. Her "Little Lambs" project supplies pediatric ward and newborn nursery patients with these handmade treasures. What a warm way to start 2011.

Survival Skills

Given that it centers on a televised children's fight-to-the-death, Suzanne Collins's electrifying Hunger Games certainly pushes the envelope on the "Kids Helping Kids" theme. But the two protagonists are teens who survive by sticking together. My sons were so crazy about the book that they made me read it, and I'm glad. Commonsense Media has a good summary & discussion tips for Hunger Games, which is the first in a series of 3 (so far) and is best for ages 12+ due to violence & gore, especially toward the end.

Staying Power

image: printliberation.com

Covering so many kids who've taken a charitable idea and run with it, I'd almost started to think all it takes is caring, creativity, and a little elbow grease. An email this weekend from two teens reminded me of one more prerequisite: perseverance.

When high schoolers Henry Dyke and Casey Karnes set out this summer to collect hygiene supplies for their homeless peers in Chicago, they started by asking upscale city hotels for donations -- soon learning these businesses "were not all that interested in helping two teens from [the suburbs]."  They cast their net wider and started phoning, faxing, emailing and visiting suburban stores, congregations, and inviduals. The result? The two met their goal and were able to deliver to the Night Ministry 199 complete hygiene packs, plus $150 in leftover monetary contributions. If at first you don't succeed...